I am folded and unfolded and unfolding, I am

So for the record, my body hates me and has decided to demonstrate that hate in very unpleasant ways. These past two weeks have not been fun to say the least. One trip to the ER and several prescriptions later, I'm still not feeling fabulous, but I can at least function (nearly).

Otherwise, things have been fine. I've got a stack of books next to my bed that I'm trying to plow through...one of them by the teacher that inspired Dead Poets Society (one movie I could watch over and over and over even though I go through almost a box of tissue each time). It's called Letters to a Teacher. The others are about classroom resources and how to infuse creative teaching methods into the schoolday. Just trying to get a little more ammunition. My days in front of the classroom are rapidly approaching.

I received an email about a teaching job in Korea today. This program is looking for nine native English speakers to sign one-year contracts to teach ESL. This isn't the first offer I've gotten for this type of job (the others have been in Japan), but this is the first time I've really started thinking about it. I need to teach here for a year so I can earn my certification, but after that, I've got no clue. Stay here and do grad work? Go back to New York? Teach in a foreign country? Start selling churros on the street corner? Honestly, I'd like to do it all (okay, maybe not the churros thing...but I do like meeting new people...).

I think that's my struggle. Just like one of the points I was trying desperately to get at in my post about my friend's study. She picked a theme and went with it. What's my theme? I've got the most eclectic, random collection of stuff. I feel so scattered lately, and I really do want to do it all. I want to go to Asia, I want to go to Africa, I want to open an orphanage, I want to keep going to school, I want to write, I want to teach, I want a family, I want, I want...I'm just so afraid that picking one will mean "no" for the others...I guess I'm just afraid of making the wrong choice. Yet I feel like every day, every step I take closer to any of it, is exactly that...a "yes" to one thing and "no" to the others. Not that anyone's holding a gun to my head and making me decide now. Sometimes I just get ahead of myself and think I have to do it all now or I'll never get to do any of it.

Patience, patience...something I never took the time to develop apparently. But I'm working on it. Back to bed for me, my head hurts.